perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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