Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
