i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
