The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
