he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
