you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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