quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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