brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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