I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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