I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
