mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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