Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
