dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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