Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
