Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
