So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
