guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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