it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
