sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
