The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
