you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
