I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
