I just saw a hot homeless man
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
