sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
