Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Everclear isn't food dammit
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
