She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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