We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
