U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
