I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
