I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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