Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
