sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
