he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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