Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
