You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
