I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
