Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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