just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
