Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
