If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Randomize
