Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
