it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
