You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
