my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
