when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
