I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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