She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
