A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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