I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
try to milk me bitch
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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