Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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