I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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